The Mental Load. What It Is And How To Make It Lighter, For All Of Us

Have you heard of it?

I must have been living under a rock.

Because I hadn’t heard the exact phrase before now.

Now I keep running into it.

And it’s clearly not new, it’s all over the internet.

Now that I have the language for it.

It’s become like that game where something specific is on your mind – let’s say a red VW Golf, as an example. Then when you’re out you spot it. Over and over again. And then all you see is red car after red car.

What I’m talking about is the mental load.

The smart people at UCLA Health define the mental load this way:

“Mental load typically refers to the behind-the-scenes, cognitive and emotional work needed to manage a household. Examples are meal planning, scheduling and generally meeting the needs of every family member.”

Mental load is generally accepted to be unseen and unending.

It’s a chain reaction of thoughts that drain our mental batteries by constantly playing on our mind.

You know that feeling where you’re jumping into the car to start the drive home after a long day at work (did I say jump? I meant hobble).

And you suddenly remember you haven’t posted your mum’s birthday card, the car insurance needs to be renewed, but you’d like to compare renewal quotes, registration is now open for next week’s Bodypump class, so better book it now before you end up on the waiting list- again, you haven’t confirmed next weekend’s brunch plans with your bestie and on and on ...

You’d be forgiven for thinking that the mental load is somewhat like an unannounced guest.

But it isn’t.

There’s no knock at the door, no warning, no ‘hey I thought I’d pop by’. There’s no warning when a mini or major component of the mental load drops by. Drop being the operative word.

It’s the house guest that turns up announced at 10am and come 10pm is showing no signs of leaving. Come midnight this guest’s failure to depart is confirmed with the sound of soft snoring coming from the far end of the sofa.

The mental load is a constant silent nagging of what needs to be done, what will need to be done and what you should be doing right now, but have forgotten to.

And those thoughts can rock up anywhere, anytime. While you’re at work running through your presentation before the big meeting, when you’re on your way to the loo – yep you can’t even pee in peace.

Now most of the talk about the mental load revolves around how it’s mostly shouldered by women, and therefore there is great need to redress the balance. At first look, it is fair to share this heavyweight cognitive burden amongst those in your household.

To be honest though, how you divvy the load up very much depends on the dynamics of each household’s set up, doesn’t it?

If you scroll back up, you’ll notice that each example of the mental load that I mentioned, from forgetting your mum’s birthday card onwards, also relates to anyone who lives alone. Long before your household expands beyond a family of one, you will have ample opportunity to feel the weight of this mental load solo.

The more pressing matter to my mind is how to make lighter work of the mental load regardless of how many and whose shoulders it rests on. Of course, having an Olympic gold medal in organization and endless energy would be a great help. But no need to set such lofty goals yet.

The first step to reducing the burden is laying it bare and making a list of everything that makes up your own mental load.

This is also known as a brain dump.

I’d recommend you also keep a running list of botherations too.

Put your brain dump and botherations list together to create a master to do list. Add in the feelings evoked by that list, perhaps some overwhelm, anxiety, frustration, a glimmer of hope and a fleeting sense of being on top of things, and voila all of that is your personalised mental load.

If you actually took the time to whip out your notebook or open a blank page complete with blinking cursor to start compiling a list, now’s a good time to breath.

Just typing those words above makes me want to hibernate.

Let’s follow the yellow brick road to a happier place.

There’s no better way to clear your head, than to think on paper.

And that is exactly what planning is.

It’s not rocket science or brain surgery.

Capturing those swirling thoughts and having a system for taking action is how to claim victory over the mental load.

Take your plan and systemise all the actions that follow on and Bob’s your uncle, you’re in business. The business of making the mental load lose its grip on your life.

I’ve always said planning is a superpower, it’s my superpower.

And here and now, you can make it yours too. Along with who you choose to be your compadre in this battle against the burden of modern life.

The Complete Collection of Planner Printables lays out step by step what you need to plan to cover the essential areas of life as we know it today. Have a look here and see the full list of planner inserts included.

However you decide to tackle the mental load, using a planner is a great way to get started. The Complete Collection of Planner Printable Pages is available now.

May the force be with you and may the load become lighter.